On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
