new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
