I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
