I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
