is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
