Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
