I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize