Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
