I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
