I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Found the puke drawer
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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