so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
