remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
