Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
