I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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