the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
