well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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