Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
