Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
