When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
