We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
