turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
