need another drink. this is the easiest way
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Are my feet made of real feet?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
