Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
