maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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