i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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