great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
