so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found puke in my bra..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
