if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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