Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
