i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
