apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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