i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
