he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
