yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
