I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
