he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
