I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
