i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
