So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
