he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
