i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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