look no pants
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
