Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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