So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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