I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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