this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
