your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So apparently I’m into choking now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
