Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When are your genitals available?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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