just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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