do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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