He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
