I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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