3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
