two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
