Yo dont text me then not text me
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
