i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
